An Amazing Blog on Clergy Sexual Abuse

I stumbled upon an incredible CSA blog and thought I'd share a link here.  If you're reading my blog because you're a victim, you love a victim, or you want to know more about CSA, then you might find this link helpful - mainly because of the author's transparency and truth-telling.  It took guts, grit and courage for this victim-now-survivor to put this out there.  Although I don't know her, I'm proud of her.

http://my-birds-eyeview.blogspot.com/

What a Liar: Confronting My Abusive Pastor

As I sat across the table from my abusive pastor, I noticed that he was staring at me.  I acknowledged the stare and quickly looked away from him, thinking to myself that he was hoping to either 1. disarm me with his false bravado or 2. disarm me with his pitiful countenance.  After making it through the duration of the "Just Resolution" meeting, I settled on the belief that he was trying to elicit my pity and compassion.  Oh, I had those in spades - just not for the reasons HE was hoping I'd have them.

The first words out of his mouth, accompanied by appropriate-for-the-moment body postures, were pure lies.

I love you both, he said to my husband and me, as crocodile tears accompanied his false speech.  Mentally I countered:  Sure you do.  That must be why you hung up on my husband, calling him a "white tight-ass" for being concerned about your counseling methods.  And surely that's the same "love" that propelled you to threaten to ruin me for bringing your evil deeds to light.

And then, while looking directly at me, he said these words:  I considered you to be my spiritual mentor! You taught me so much about Christ!

Feeling bile rise in the back of my throat, again I mentally countered:  Sure you did.  That must be why you made all those sexual comments to me.  That must be why you manipulated my compassion by telling me that I was the only person you trusted and tried to convince me that my husband and family no longer cared about me - that I'd been abandoned by them.  (Incidentally, I have read several accounts from clergy sexual abuse victims stating that their abusers told them they were being abandoned by their spouses/families/loved ones.  It's a common grooming/isolation tactic).  Oh, and by the way, the mere fact that you say you considered me to be your spiritual mentor gives evidence that you were in this for your own best interests (another denominational "no-no).

What a liar, indeed.

Ann Voskamp and the Eucharisteo Bashers

My friend recommended the book 1,000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp to me when we met for coffee.  I'd been smacked sideways by hard news and was still reeling from all the clergy sexual abuse junk we've been confronted with for the past 2.5 years.  I've learned since reading most of Voskamp's book that she certainly has her critics.  It seems that the John Piper and John MacArthur fans are offended by her particular used of metaphor and her references to Nouwen and other Catholic writers, whom the critics deem mystics.  They've accused Voskamp of being a mystic and a pantheist, to boot.  Good grief. What I've seen between the pages of her poetic book is this:  The woman clearly loves Jesus.  A friend challenged her to think of things for which to be thankful, as Voskamp recognized her propensity toward ingratitude.  So, her book was born - and in it she focuses heavily on what she calls "eucharisteo," or gratitude.  She knows that both the good and the not-so-good are things for which the believer is to be grateful:  "in EVERYTHING give thanks."  And in looking for things for which to be grateful, Ann Voskamp was changed.

Clearly, I am, at this stage of my life, struggling to be grateful.  I complain a lot.  A LOT.  Inwardly, outwardly complaining 24/7.  In reading 1,000 Gifts I felt shame, but I also felt normal, understood, and inspired.  So take that, Voskamp bashers.  And now I'm taking up the same gratitude challenge - not the Oprah-like "be grateful for what life has give you" thing but a deep, inward look at my attitude towards God.  Is He really good, all the time, as the song goes?  If I begin to focus on this, what might happen? Will the Holy Spirit change me, too?  I pray yes.  I pray that my in-look will alter my out-look in a positive way.  My in-look has been very flawed, I think.  Skewed.  Small.  Yet I have His Spirit, which is the antithesis of skewed and small.  CSA cannot, canNOT, CANNOT take that from me, and for that, I am eucharisteo.

Confronting My Abusive Former Pastor: The Hollow Man

Well, I did it.  I confronted my abusive former pastor, and I did it afraid.  But I think he was more afraid than I, and that's what actually enabled me to speak life-giving words to him.  I pulled no punches, though, because I knew that it was the God-ordained opportunity of a lifetime to tell him how his abuse has impacted my life on every level.  With my husband on my left and my advocate on my right, I soldiered on through our "round table" discussion (part of what is called a Just Resolution).  I was concise and compassionate.  I had prayerfully decided before the meeting to give any bitterness to God - an act of the will, if you will.  He teared up often, but I've seen all that before so am unmoved by his tears.  Yet my residual emotion post-meeting is pity.  I see him for the pitiful person - the hollow man -  that he really is.  

 I have left this abusive pastor to God.  I am done.