I stumbled upon an incredible CSA blog and thought I'd share a link here. If you're reading my blog because you're a victim, you love a victim, or you want to know more about CSA, then you might find this link helpful - mainly because of the author's transparency and truth-telling. It took guts, grit and courage for this victim-now-survivor to put this out there. Although I don't know her, I'm proud of her.
http://my-birds-eyeview.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
What a Liar: Confronting My Abusive Pastor
As I sat across the table from my abusive pastor, I noticed that he was staring at me. I acknowledged the stare and quickly looked away from him, thinking to myself that he was hoping to either 1. disarm me with his false bravado or 2. disarm me with his pitiful countenance. After making it through the duration of the "Just Resolution" meeting, I settled on the belief that he was trying to elicit my pity and compassion. Oh, I had those in spades - just not for the reasons HE was hoping I'd have them.
The first words out of his mouth, accompanied by appropriate-for-the-moment body postures, were pure lies.
I love you both, he said to my husband and me, as crocodile tears accompanied his false speech. Mentally I countered: Sure you do. That must be why you hung up on my husband, calling him a "white tight-ass" for being concerned about your counseling methods. And surely that's the same "love" that propelled you to threaten to ruin me for bringing your evil deeds to light.
And then, while looking directly at me, he said these words: I considered you to be my spiritual mentor! You taught me so much about Christ!
Feeling bile rise in the back of my throat, again I mentally countered: Sure you did. That must be why you made all those sexual comments to me. That must be why you manipulated my compassion by telling me that I was the only person you trusted and tried to convince me that my husband and family no longer cared about me - that I'd been abandoned by them. (Incidentally, I have read several accounts from clergy sexual abuse victims stating that their abusers told them they were being abandoned by their spouses/families/loved ones. It's a common grooming/isolation tactic). Oh, and by the way, the mere fact that you say you considered me to be your spiritual mentor gives evidence that you were in this for your own best interests (another denominational "no-no).
What a liar, indeed.
The first words out of his mouth, accompanied by appropriate-for-the-moment body postures, were pure lies.
I love you both, he said to my husband and me, as crocodile tears accompanied his false speech. Mentally I countered: Sure you do. That must be why you hung up on my husband, calling him a "white tight-ass" for being concerned about your counseling methods. And surely that's the same "love" that propelled you to threaten to ruin me for bringing your evil deeds to light.
And then, while looking directly at me, he said these words: I considered you to be my spiritual mentor! You taught me so much about Christ!
Feeling bile rise in the back of my throat, again I mentally countered: Sure you did. That must be why you made all those sexual comments to me. That must be why you manipulated my compassion by telling me that I was the only person you trusted and tried to convince me that my husband and family no longer cared about me - that I'd been abandoned by them. (Incidentally, I have read several accounts from clergy sexual abuse victims stating that their abusers told them they were being abandoned by their spouses/families/loved ones. It's a common grooming/isolation tactic). Oh, and by the way, the mere fact that you say you considered me to be your spiritual mentor gives evidence that you were in this for your own best interests (another denominational "no-no).
What a liar, indeed.
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